I met Depressed, Desperate, Lonely and Sad, the 4 horseman of my apocalypse on March 19th. This was the day my soon-to-be-ex (STBX) gave me the news that she's had it with this farce of a marriage, and that she would be moving on. We've had these fights before, but that day I knew if was for real.
Desperation introduced herself to me, "Don't worry, even though she's leaving you, I'll never leave you. I'll stick with you until the end."
I cried and begged for her not to leave. I'll change. We'll have the 2nd child you've always wanted. We'll take that vacation to Disney World you've always wanted. We'll have date nights 2 nights every week so you'll feel appreciated. Nothing worked.
A few more days of begging and I asked her the inevitable question, "Is there someone else?" Her reply did not surprise me, "Yes". She said that she had met him online in February and that they had met in person just once for a lunch date. At that point they were talking every night for 1 or 2 hours. I begged her to break it off. I asked her to give us a chance even though she would be moving out. She was clear with me, "I'm not going to stop seeing him." I asked her what was so special about him that she wouldn't give us another chance. She said, "I don't believe you. With him I have a fresh start, zero disrespect, zero fights, zero insults."
In the insuing days, I remember one night I interrupted her nightly phone call and she came over furious to me. "What do you want!!??" I begged her to reconsider for the child's sake. She said that I was trying to ruin her new relationship but that it wasn't going to work because he's a real man. Her exact words were, "Do you know what he said right now? He said, 'Take it easy. Don't get upset. Go talk to him and we'll talk later.' That's a real man!" I was humiliated as I cried like a child.
That first week I lost 18 pounds because I wasn't eating. Since then I've lost 39 pounds. At least one good thing came out of this mess. If I had gained weight instead I imagine the pain would be worse because I wouldn't have the self-confidence to go out and try to socialize as I now do in the church.
On April 2nd, just 15 days after she told me she was moving out, she found a place, and the moving began. On April 11th she officially walked out the door, but just before the door closed Lonely and Sad introduced themselves, "We're you're new renters. We'll be moving in to keep you company. We're in a symphony orchestra and tend to practice in the mornings and late at night. Maybe during those times it would be best if you stayed out of the house. Our practices can be overwhelming, especially our favorite piece called 'Silence'".
Already my apartment, which was huge when she lived here, was now crowded with Desperate, Lonely and Sad, when just a few weeks ago Depressed showed up at my door saying she knew that I was a Christian and if I could give her a hand because she was homeless. So I did my Christianly duty and I let her in. She really appreciates my hospitality and lets me know at various times throughout the day by hugging me. Long, melancholic embraces with tears telling me over and over again that I'm the only one she has. However, it seems she has a double life because she disappears every other day without a word and takes all her belongings, only to show up with baggage in hand a day or so later. I've learned to forgive her inconsistency and let her in, "Welcome".
