Thursday, September 8, 2011
Called Josie...Left Message
I wanted to talk to Josie, so I called her yesterday, but she didn't answer. I left a message. In the message, I said that whenever she needed my help for the translations we had talked about, that I would be more than happy to help her. Also, I said in the message that I had called to say hello.
Wednesday, September 7, 2011
Called To Cancel...But Nice Call
Josie called Tuesday, 6:00 p.m., one hour before game time, to cancel my invitation. She said that it would not be "prudent" of her to go out that late, knowing she had work tomorrow morning. However, she profusely thanked me for my "good will" in extending the invitation to her. She mentioned in passing that, as a Christian, she saw nothing wrong with having a good time attending a baseball game, but, if it were a dance club, that would be a different story. What?!? Again, I am encouraged by the fact that she considers me a contemporary of hers in saying the dance club comment, even though I'm 35 and she's 27.
Monday, September 5, 2011
On Sunday...Lightning Struck
Lightning struck. This was a saying I used to say when against the odds, an underdog team won. Well, "Lightning Struck" on Sunday at church, figuratively speaking.
I sat in the section where Josie and her family usually sit. They came late, so I didn't notice them until later in the service. Once the service was over, I bought my son his usual ice cream cone from the truck, and while I was contemplating where Josie was, the mother, Gladys, was a few feet away smiling at me. I waved at her and walked over. She kissed me on the cheek and gave me a very tight hug. We made light banter. She said hello to a sister from the church who had a newborn baby, and made this comment, "Oh, I'm praying that my Josie will give me a grandchild." Then as we continued to talk she spotted Josie a few feet away. She said, "Oh, there's my daughter Josie, come on, I want you to meet her".
She said to Josie, "Remember that nice young man I told you I met in class, here he is." I said, "Hi Josie, how are you?" The mother said to me, "Oh. Did you know I was Josie's mother?" Let me speculate as to her question. Did she mean that if my knowing that she was Josie's mother led to my "nice guy" behavior towards her? Did she mean whether I meticulously and sneakily planned to meet her, knowing she was Josie's mother, just to get in good with Josie? I sure hope not. What's the truth? Well, perhaps somewhere in the middle. I genuinely think Josie's mom is a sweet person. Yet I know she's Josie's mother. Oh no, I now realize that I've stained the genuine characteristic that Josie's mother thought about me.
Back to the conversation with Josie. We talked about 20 minutes or so. Face to face with this beauty was what I've been praying about for the last few months, since approximately May (4 months). Finally the relief of talking to her, and seeing her eye to eye. Wow! What an absolute beauty. She's thin and tall. Her eyes are large and light brown. He nose is thin and curved. Her smile is wonderful. Her hair is a lovely dark blond. Her accent is Guayaquilean, from Ecuador. She told me that she's been praying to God that she find someone "divinely appointed" that she can hire to help her translate to English certain reports that she had to do for work. I offered her to help her free of charge. She insisted in paying me. I insisted no charge. Also, when we were about to say goodbye to each other, I asked her out to a baseball game where I had an extra ticket. She said that that day, Tuesday, is difficult for her because it's her first day of work. I asked her to call me to let me know.
It was a momentous day for me.
I sat in the section where Josie and her family usually sit. They came late, so I didn't notice them until later in the service. Once the service was over, I bought my son his usual ice cream cone from the truck, and while I was contemplating where Josie was, the mother, Gladys, was a few feet away smiling at me. I waved at her and walked over. She kissed me on the cheek and gave me a very tight hug. We made light banter. She said hello to a sister from the church who had a newborn baby, and made this comment, "Oh, I'm praying that my Josie will give me a grandchild." Then as we continued to talk she spotted Josie a few feet away. She said, "Oh, there's my daughter Josie, come on, I want you to meet her".
She said to Josie, "Remember that nice young man I told you I met in class, here he is." I said, "Hi Josie, how are you?" The mother said to me, "Oh. Did you know I was Josie's mother?" Let me speculate as to her question. Did she mean that if my knowing that she was Josie's mother led to my "nice guy" behavior towards her? Did she mean whether I meticulously and sneakily planned to meet her, knowing she was Josie's mother, just to get in good with Josie? I sure hope not. What's the truth? Well, perhaps somewhere in the middle. I genuinely think Josie's mom is a sweet person. Yet I know she's Josie's mother. Oh no, I now realize that I've stained the genuine characteristic that Josie's mother thought about me.
Back to the conversation with Josie. We talked about 20 minutes or so. Face to face with this beauty was what I've been praying about for the last few months, since approximately May (4 months). Finally the relief of talking to her, and seeing her eye to eye. Wow! What an absolute beauty. She's thin and tall. Her eyes are large and light brown. He nose is thin and curved. Her smile is wonderful. Her hair is a lovely dark blond. Her accent is Guayaquilean, from Ecuador. She told me that she's been praying to God that she find someone "divinely appointed" that she can hire to help her translate to English certain reports that she had to do for work. I offered her to help her free of charge. She insisted in paying me. I insisted no charge. Also, when we were about to say goodbye to each other, I asked her out to a baseball game where I had an extra ticket. She said that that day, Tuesday, is difficult for her because it's her first day of work. I asked her to call me to let me know.
It was a momentous day for me.
Saturday, September 3, 2011
Buddy, Buddy With Josie's Mother
Josie's mother, Gladys, came in to my Saturday class again today. She came right up to me, sat next to me, smiled and poked me. We talked again as old friends. She told me that she's been wanting to call me and if I could give her my phone number, which of course I did. She asked about Arthur, my son, and I took the opportunity to tell her again about my separation/divorce. I told her that he's at his mother's home, and that usually he spends 3 days with her, and 4 days with me.
There was an exam today and Gladys was not ready at all. She asked me to help her cheat. I did. I know I shouldn't have done it, but how do I tell the mother of the girl I like, "no, I can't help you cheat?" We're supposed to be Christians and if Josie was looking for a Godly man, I definitely lost some points. On the other hand, I did help the mother, and that should buy me some points. Probably tonight, the family will ask the mother how she did in her exam, and she'll tell them all how I helped her. Therefore, I wonder what the reaction will be tomorrow. I wonder if Josie or the father will come up to me to thank me for helping the mother?
There was an exam today and Gladys was not ready at all. She asked me to help her cheat. I did. I know I shouldn't have done it, but how do I tell the mother of the girl I like, "no, I can't help you cheat?" We're supposed to be Christians and if Josie was looking for a Godly man, I definitely lost some points. On the other hand, I did help the mother, and that should buy me some points. Probably tonight, the family will ask the mother how she did in her exam, and she'll tell them all how I helped her. Therefore, I wonder what the reaction will be tomorrow. I wonder if Josie or the father will come up to me to thank me for helping the mother?
Sunday, August 21, 2011
Spoke To Josie's Mother! (Good News and Bad News)
I enrolled in the church's 2-year leadership course, which is composed of 4 levels, or 4 semesters every half-year. Josie's mother is in my level, however, she goes on Thursdays, while I go on Saturdays. It so happened that Josie's mother had to make up a class for Thursday, which she couldn't attend, so she showed up yesterday morning.
She sat next to me. We had a very nice conversation about Ecuadorian cuisine. She's from Guayaquil, Ecuador. She was very loving to me. I was very attentive to her, being that I'm tremendously infatuated and interested in her daughter. In fact, when she left she gave me a kiss on the cheek and said, "bye my love". That's the good news, that I have developed an initial friendship with the mother, and I mentioned in passing that I switched to Saturday classes from Thursdays because AJ (my son) could stay at his mom's home that day. I don't know if Josie's mom got the "AJ mom's home" reference that we're not together. I should've emphasized it more.
Now the bad news. Josie's estimated age is in no way past 27, and most likely 23 to 26, my original estimate. How so? Well, it so happens that Josie's mom has been in this country for about 7 to 10 years. Being that the first time I talked to Josie, she asked me if we went to high school together (I'm 35 years old, but I look a lot younger), Josie had to be at most, 17, and more likely from 15 to 17, when she came to this country. Add 7 to 10 years, and voila!, you have an estimated age of 23 to 26.
Woe is me. I am undone. I put so much hope in a relationship with Josie, that I don't even want to let go of the fantasy. In a way I'd just rather continue hoping, praying and dreaming of a miracle. The horrible thing is, that in my desperation to not get a "no", I won't even approach her for friendship.
She sat next to me. We had a very nice conversation about Ecuadorian cuisine. She's from Guayaquil, Ecuador. She was very loving to me. I was very attentive to her, being that I'm tremendously infatuated and interested in her daughter. In fact, when she left she gave me a kiss on the cheek and said, "bye my love". That's the good news, that I have developed an initial friendship with the mother, and I mentioned in passing that I switched to Saturday classes from Thursdays because AJ (my son) could stay at his mom's home that day. I don't know if Josie's mom got the "AJ mom's home" reference that we're not together. I should've emphasized it more.
Now the bad news. Josie's estimated age is in no way past 27, and most likely 23 to 26, my original estimate. How so? Well, it so happens that Josie's mom has been in this country for about 7 to 10 years. Being that the first time I talked to Josie, she asked me if we went to high school together (I'm 35 years old, but I look a lot younger), Josie had to be at most, 17, and more likely from 15 to 17, when she came to this country. Add 7 to 10 years, and voila!, you have an estimated age of 23 to 26.
Woe is me. I am undone. I put so much hope in a relationship with Josie, that I don't even want to let go of the fantasy. In a way I'd just rather continue hoping, praying and dreaming of a miracle. The horrible thing is, that in my desperation to not get a "no", I won't even approach her for friendship.
Sunday, August 14, 2011
My 8-Year Old Moved By The Holy Spirit
The Holy Spirit of God moved my son from the beginning of today's worship service. Arnold (my son) was singing, praising the Lord, giving shouts of jubilee, shouts of halelujahs, raising his hands in worship of his God and Savior, Jesus Christ, through the whole worship and prayer portion. At the end of the worship period he came and sat on my lap and said that this was the best day of his life. That he wasn't bored.
During the tithe and offering, Arnold insisted that I take $7 from his private savings (around $70) for the church offering.
Later I took him upstairs for his Sunday school class, and he insisted that I take another $5 from his private savings for the Sunday school offering. After class he told me that he prayed and that the teacher had told him he prayed lovely.
Praise you Lord for working in my son.
During the tithe and offering, Arnold insisted that I take $7 from his private savings (around $70) for the church offering.
Later I took him upstairs for his Sunday school class, and he insisted that I take another $5 from his private savings for the Sunday school offering. After class he told me that he prayed and that the teacher had told him he prayed lovely.
Praise you Lord for working in my son.
Sunday, August 7, 2011
Discombobbled...Again By Beauty
My sister in Christ, Josie, has done it again. I feel sick to my stomach, all messed up inside. This is how it went down.
I arrived at church at the normal time. I sat down with my son and mother. A few minutes later, Josie and her father came and sat in the row directly behind me. At the end of the service I turned around and looked at her. At first it seemed she tried not to look in my direction, but then she looked and she half-smiled, and I thought half a look that said, "Oh no, not that guy that always looks at me". She said, "How are you?". Immediately I felt flustered and sweaty. I said, "Good". She said, "this is my father". I shook his hand and said, "my name is Arthur". Then silence. My mind was blank. We all half-smiled and walked away. How awkward!
After this I felt miserable inside. I felt like I ruined it with her and any chance of future friendships. I feel that now only God can help me get together with such a fine and lovely woman. The two hopes I saw today is that when she smiled, crow's feet formed in her eyes, and I saw laugh lines on the sides of her mouth, a sign of age. A revised estimate of her age may be 25 to 30, from a previous estimate of 23 to 26.
Lord Jesus, I have Josie in my prayers, so that she may become the true love of my life. A woman that I may love in the true biblical sense. I persevere in prayers that You may grant me this great mercy.
I arrived at church at the normal time. I sat down with my son and mother. A few minutes later, Josie and her father came and sat in the row directly behind me. At the end of the service I turned around and looked at her. At first it seemed she tried not to look in my direction, but then she looked and she half-smiled, and I thought half a look that said, "Oh no, not that guy that always looks at me". She said, "How are you?". Immediately I felt flustered and sweaty. I said, "Good". She said, "this is my father". I shook his hand and said, "my name is Arthur". Then silence. My mind was blank. We all half-smiled and walked away. How awkward!
After this I felt miserable inside. I felt like I ruined it with her and any chance of future friendships. I feel that now only God can help me get together with such a fine and lovely woman. The two hopes I saw today is that when she smiled, crow's feet formed in her eyes, and I saw laugh lines on the sides of her mouth, a sign of age. A revised estimate of her age may be 25 to 30, from a previous estimate of 23 to 26.
Lord Jesus, I have Josie in my prayers, so that she may become the true love of my life. A woman that I may love in the true biblical sense. I persevere in prayers that You may grant me this great mercy.
Sunday, July 31, 2011
One Look From Josie
It took only one look from my sister in Christ, Josie, to disconcert me. She was teaching the 5 and 6 year olds in the Sunday school, and very enthusiastically engaging one little child, when suddenly, as if in slow motion, she turned toward the window with a smile as I passed. I was undone. I lost my composure in the service for the next 10 minutes, thinking of how lovely, innocent, pure, joyful, peaceful, happy...oh yeah, and young, she looked.
I was lost in thoughts of how old I am, and how a young lady like Josie would ever become my girlfriend. I looked over at her parents and wondered for the umpteenth time how old they were. 55? That would put Josie at 25 to 30, but she looks much younger, more likely 23 to 25. I still remember that first time we met, and how she asked whether she knew me from high school. I am very young looking for my 35 years (I've been told as young as 25).
I know that the Lord can answer my prayers and give me this beatiful creature as my partner. I have to persevere in prayer and hope. I envision us being a Godly couple in all manner of church ministry, a Godly family of prayer, bible study, child bearing and rearing. Praise be to God.
I was lost in thoughts of how old I am, and how a young lady like Josie would ever become my girlfriend. I looked over at her parents and wondered for the umpteenth time how old they were. 55? That would put Josie at 25 to 30, but she looks much younger, more likely 23 to 25. I still remember that first time we met, and how she asked whether she knew me from high school. I am very young looking for my 35 years (I've been told as young as 25).
I know that the Lord can answer my prayers and give me this beatiful creature as my partner. I have to persevere in prayer and hope. I envision us being a Godly couple in all manner of church ministry, a Godly family of prayer, bible study, child bearing and rearing. Praise be to God.
Wednesday, July 27, 2011
My Sister In Christ Is Merciful & Gorgeous & Young
Tuesday prayer meeting today. My sister in Christ was in attendance today. I'm head over heels about her. Today I saw her sitting next to an older woman. As I mentioned before, even though she's young, it seems to me that she exudes prudence and conservative values. Such rarity nowadays!! At the end of the prayer meeting, the pastor's wife made the unusual request that if anyone wanted to be prayed for, to come to the front.
At that very moment, my young sister in Christ went up with the older woman. It turns out that the poor woman had a malignant brain tumor. We all joined hands and prayed for her.
She is so unique. A true gem of God's treasures. Typically a Christian will come to church on Sundays. Then there are some Christians that will come to a few mid-week services. Then there are those who live out their faith in a hardcore fashion. They go out to the hospitals, jails and homeless shelters to rescue the lost and needy. I believe that's what my sister in Christ did today. She met this poor woman in the battlefield, approached her with her winsome smile, and when the woman told her about her sickness, my sister in Christ pointed her to the Savior by inviting her to the prayer meeting. She came as a conquering warrior. She not only attends church to warm a chair, but she's working out her faith in a very practical fashion.
At that very moment, my young sister in Christ went up with the older woman. It turns out that the poor woman had a malignant brain tumor. We all joined hands and prayed for her.
She is so unique. A true gem of God's treasures. Typically a Christian will come to church on Sundays. Then there are some Christians that will come to a few mid-week services. Then there are those who live out their faith in a hardcore fashion. They go out to the hospitals, jails and homeless shelters to rescue the lost and needy. I believe that's what my sister in Christ did today. She met this poor woman in the battlefield, approached her with her winsome smile, and when the woman told her about her sickness, my sister in Christ pointed her to the Savior by inviting her to the prayer meeting. She came as a conquering warrior. She not only attends church to warm a chair, but she's working out her faith in a very practical fashion.
Sunday, July 24, 2011
God Touched My 8-Year Old's Heart Yesterday
After I put my little boy to sleep last night he complained that he was having chest pains and pointed at his little heart. I thought it was due to the heat and got a little worried. Yesterday in New York it was close to 100 degrees and close to 90 degrees at bedtime. We have no air conditioner.
I told him to get in the bathtub to cool off a bit, but after a while he complained that his chest felt hard. I told him to stay in there a little while longer so he can stay cool. He said, "Dad, I have a better idea. Let's pray to God." So I led us in prayer that the Lord would heal the pain in his chest. In the middle of the prayer I hear that my son is whimpering. I finish my prayer and notice that my little man is full out crying in prayer in the kneeling position. I praised God Almighty for the marvelous work He was doing in my son at that moment.
I asked my boy what was the matter, and only heard the word, "repent", from his prayers. I layed hands and prayed fervently over him, which brought more tears. I left him alone and he prayed another 10 minutes or so. After this, he was still shook up, so I pointed him to the Lord's medicine in times of deep distress...the psalms. He has a bible app, which he recently downloaded, whereby he can listen to the bible. He listened to the healing sounds of Psalm 23 and Psalm 51 read out loud (see below).
He remained troubled like this for about 30 minutes after the prayer until he finally fell asleep next to me. Once he was asleep, I went to my room. Praise God for moments in life like this!!! This beats watching a rented movie or any worldly activity. By the way, he never did tell me what was troubling him. This was private between his God and him, and as Forrest Gump said, "that's all I have to say about that".
Psalm 23
1 The LORD is my shepherd;
I told him to get in the bathtub to cool off a bit, but after a while he complained that his chest felt hard. I told him to stay in there a little while longer so he can stay cool. He said, "Dad, I have a better idea. Let's pray to God." So I led us in prayer that the Lord would heal the pain in his chest. In the middle of the prayer I hear that my son is whimpering. I finish my prayer and notice that my little man is full out crying in prayer in the kneeling position. I praised God Almighty for the marvelous work He was doing in my son at that moment.
I asked my boy what was the matter, and only heard the word, "repent", from his prayers. I layed hands and prayed fervently over him, which brought more tears. I left him alone and he prayed another 10 minutes or so. After this, he was still shook up, so I pointed him to the Lord's medicine in times of deep distress...the psalms. He has a bible app, which he recently downloaded, whereby he can listen to the bible. He listened to the healing sounds of Psalm 23 and Psalm 51 read out loud (see below).
He remained troubled like this for about 30 minutes after the prayer until he finally fell asleep next to me. Once he was asleep, I went to my room. Praise God for moments in life like this!!! This beats watching a rented movie or any worldly activity. By the way, he never did tell me what was troubling him. This was private between his God and him, and as Forrest Gump said, "that's all I have to say about that".
Psalm 23
1 The LORD is my shepherd;
I shall not want.
2 He makes me to lie down in green pastures;
He leads me beside the still waters.
3 He restores my soul;
He leads me in the paths of righteousness
For His name’s sake.
4 Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil;
For You are with me;
Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me.
5 You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies;
You anoint my head with oil;
My cup runs over.
6 Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me
All the days of my life;
And I will dwell[a] in the house of the LORD
Forever.
Psalm 51
1 Have mercy upon me, O God,
According to Your lovingkindness;
According to the multitude of Your tender mercies,
Blot out my transgressions.
2 Wash me thoroughly from my iniquity,
And cleanse me from my sin.
3 For I acknowledge my transgressions,
And my sin is always before me.
4 Against You, You only, have I sinned,
And done this evil in Your sight—
That You may be found just when You speak,[a]
And blameless when You judge.
5 Behold, I was brought forth in iniquity,
And in sin my mother conceived me.
6 Behold, You desire truth in the inward parts,
And in the hidden part You will make me to know wisdom.
7 Purge me with hyssop, and I shall be clean;
Wash me, and I shall be whiter than snow.
8 Make me hear joy and gladness,
That the bones You have broken may rejoice.
9 Hide Your face from my sins,
And blot out all my iniquities.
10 Create in me a clean heart, O God,
And renew a steadfast spirit within me.
11 Do not cast me away from Your presence,
And do not take Your Holy Spirit from me.
12 Restore to me the joy of Your salvation,
And uphold me by Your generous Spirit.
13 Then I will teach transgressors Your ways,
And sinners shall be converted to You.
14 Deliver me from the guilt of bloodshed, O God,
The God of my salvation,
And my tongue shall sing aloud of Your righteousness.
15 O Lord, open my lips,
And my mouth shall show forth Your praise.
16 For You do not desire sacrifice, or else I would give it;
You do not delight in burnt offering.
17 The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit,
A broken and a contrite heart—
These, O God, You will not despise.
18 Do good in Your good pleasure to Zion;
Build the walls of Jerusalem.
19 Then You shall be pleased with the sacrifices of righteousness,
With burnt offering and whole burnt offering;
Then they shall offer bulls on Your altar.
Monday, July 18, 2011
God's Mercy Through The Provision Of Divorce
I am ecstatic to report that my STBX (soon-to-be-ex) has initially agreed to a no-contest divorce. Praise the Lord God Almighty!
Today was an emotional roller coaster. In desperation of her currently living in a rented room and seeing that I live in a regular apartment, she started in with her repertoire of heavy duty threats. "I'm moving out of state", "I'm going to take our son", "He's going to go to school out of state where I live", "This is going to be very expensive for you when I take you to court", "You better agree to give me money amicably", etc...
This seriously vexed me and put me in a woeful, emotional state. I started crying and sobbing uncontrollably. Just to think of losing my child to mother kidnapping (a.k.a. child physical custody residing with mother) was enough to send me over the edge of desperation.
She relented about 3 hours after we started arguing (the crying started during the last 30 minutes). She called me on the phone, asked me to forgive her, and explained that she would never take our son away from me and that it's just her dreadful living situation that made her react that way. I told her that her threats against me made me feel like I'm walking on eggshells, and this is when she brought up the issue of divorce, which I had initially brought up a few months earlier. Basically she said that if we divorce, there should be no further issues regarding threats, but rather a finalization of matters, be it child physical custody, child support or alimony.
I understand that the Lord hates divorce, but somehow He has made the provision for it in the case of:
1) Abandonment of the non-believer, and;
2) Adultery.
Through His great mercy, I meet both those conditions. I am free of this marriage, which was bondage to both of us, due to our evil ways in not following God's instructions for marriage. However, I rejoice in God allowing us to go our separate ways and remake our lives. God is exceedingly merciful! We deserve His wrath, but instead He pours out His goodness abundantly on us! Praise His everlasting Name.
Today was an emotional roller coaster. In desperation of her currently living in a rented room and seeing that I live in a regular apartment, she started in with her repertoire of heavy duty threats. "I'm moving out of state", "I'm going to take our son", "He's going to go to school out of state where I live", "This is going to be very expensive for you when I take you to court", "You better agree to give me money amicably", etc...
This seriously vexed me and put me in a woeful, emotional state. I started crying and sobbing uncontrollably. Just to think of losing my child to mother kidnapping (a.k.a. child physical custody residing with mother) was enough to send me over the edge of desperation.
She relented about 3 hours after we started arguing (the crying started during the last 30 minutes). She called me on the phone, asked me to forgive her, and explained that she would never take our son away from me and that it's just her dreadful living situation that made her react that way. I told her that her threats against me made me feel like I'm walking on eggshells, and this is when she brought up the issue of divorce, which I had initially brought up a few months earlier. Basically she said that if we divorce, there should be no further issues regarding threats, but rather a finalization of matters, be it child physical custody, child support or alimony.
I understand that the Lord hates divorce, but somehow He has made the provision for it in the case of:
1) Abandonment of the non-believer, and;
2) Adultery.
Through His great mercy, I meet both those conditions. I am free of this marriage, which was bondage to both of us, due to our evil ways in not following God's instructions for marriage. However, I rejoice in God allowing us to go our separate ways and remake our lives. God is exceedingly merciful! We deserve His wrath, but instead He pours out His goodness abundantly on us! Praise His everlasting Name.
Saturday, July 9, 2011
Beautiful Sister In Attendance! Woohoo!!
The beautiful sister that I'm infatuated with was at tonight's Friday service. She was wearing a long Christian dress. I remember these dresses were in fashion a few years ago, but now young ladies of the church dress as the world dresses, with little modesty. This is one of the things I so like about her, that she is not worldly even in her manner of dress. She is also reserved in her choice of friendships, as I've only seen her with much older female friends with whom she always has a ready smile - so gracious. She does not have a select clic or group of young friends as other her age (estimated 23 to 26) usually have. This is so attractive to me. And of course the main reason is her sincerity in worshipping God. She is quiet yet fervent in prayer, focused in singing to God, goes to leadership classes, serves in the kitchen, perhaps will now serve in the children's ministry and apparently is a real Christian. What a blessing such a lovely woman would be for me. Certainly I have never had anyone that has been a first choice for me. In my short romantic history, it's always been a matter of settling for what's been available. This beautiful sister would be a first choice.
I am so socially awkward and afraid of rejection that I didn't even look at her during the service except to stare when she couldn't possibly see me. All the time negative thoughts were swirling all around me. "She's too young." "You're too old." "You've gained weight and it shows." I weigh 193 pounds and I could have easily been 183 pounds if I just continued with my diet. I got off track in the last few days. It would've made a difference in my confidence level and perhaps I would've approached her. Opportunity lost. Of course, with the Lord, all things are under His guardianship, and if my sister in Christ is reserved for me by God, then nothing will keep her from me.
I would like to have faith to continue praying for God to intervene and answer my prayers regarding this sister. To not give up but keep knocking at the Master's door. To persevere until He answers. I must have prayed over 5 weeks on a daily basis for her, for us, but over the last 3 weeks my prayers for her have been intermittent. There was one prayer I made to God, to remove her from my heart if His answer was no. However, as I felt tonight, I apparently still have her in my heart. She is quite a doll.
I am so socially awkward and afraid of rejection that I didn't even look at her during the service except to stare when she couldn't possibly see me. All the time negative thoughts were swirling all around me. "She's too young." "You're too old." "You've gained weight and it shows." I weigh 193 pounds and I could have easily been 183 pounds if I just continued with my diet. I got off track in the last few days. It would've made a difference in my confidence level and perhaps I would've approached her. Opportunity lost. Of course, with the Lord, all things are under His guardianship, and if my sister in Christ is reserved for me by God, then nothing will keep her from me.
I would like to have faith to continue praying for God to intervene and answer my prayers regarding this sister. To not give up but keep knocking at the Master's door. To persevere until He answers. I must have prayed over 5 weeks on a daily basis for her, for us, but over the last 3 weeks my prayers for her have been intermittent. There was one prayer I made to God, to remove her from my heart if His answer was no. However, as I felt tonight, I apparently still have her in my heart. She is quite a doll.
Friday, June 24, 2011
Possible Cell Group Leadership Role
Yesterday we had 5 people in our cell group. We had a good time just sharing with each other. It seems like the Lord has opened a door for me to lead the cell group. Nic, our cell group leader, wants to take July and August off to spend time with his family.
It would be an honor to be considered as the new cell group leader in training. As I mentioned in the previous post, I am socially timid, so this will be a challenge for me.
Thursday, June 23, 2011
Depressed, Desperate, Lonely and Sad! Just another day...
I met Depressed, Desperate, Lonely and Sad, the 4 horseman of my apocalypse on March 19th. This was the day my soon-to-be-ex (STBX) gave me the news that she's had it with this farce of a marriage, and that she would be moving on. We've had these fights before, but that day I knew if was for real.
Desperation introduced herself to me, "Don't worry, even though she's leaving you, I'll never leave you. I'll stick with you until the end."
I cried and begged for her not to leave. I'll change. We'll have the 2nd child you've always wanted. We'll take that vacation to Disney World you've always wanted. We'll have date nights 2 nights every week so you'll feel appreciated. Nothing worked.
A few more days of begging and I asked her the inevitable question, "Is there someone else?" Her reply did not surprise me, "Yes". She said that she had met him online in February and that they had met in person just once for a lunch date. At that point they were talking every night for 1 or 2 hours. I begged her to break it off. I asked her to give us a chance even though she would be moving out. She was clear with me, "I'm not going to stop seeing him." I asked her what was so special about him that she wouldn't give us another chance. She said, "I don't believe you. With him I have a fresh start, zero disrespect, zero fights, zero insults."
In the insuing days, I remember one night I interrupted her nightly phone call and she came over furious to me. "What do you want!!??" I begged her to reconsider for the child's sake. She said that I was trying to ruin her new relationship but that it wasn't going to work because he's a real man. Her exact words were, "Do you know what he said right now? He said, 'Take it easy. Don't get upset. Go talk to him and we'll talk later.' That's a real man!" I was humiliated as I cried like a child.
That first week I lost 18 pounds because I wasn't eating. Since then I've lost 39 pounds. At least one good thing came out of this mess. If I had gained weight instead I imagine the pain would be worse because I wouldn't have the self-confidence to go out and try to socialize as I now do in the church.
On April 2nd, just 15 days after she told me she was moving out, she found a place, and the moving began. On April 11th she officially walked out the door, but just before the door closed Lonely and Sad introduced themselves, "We're you're new renters. We'll be moving in to keep you company. We're in a symphony orchestra and tend to practice in the mornings and late at night. Maybe during those times it would be best if you stayed out of the house. Our practices can be overwhelming, especially our favorite piece called 'Silence'".
Already my apartment, which was huge when she lived here, was now crowded with Desperate, Lonely and Sad, when just a few weeks ago Depressed showed up at my door saying she knew that I was a Christian and if I could give her a hand because she was homeless. So I did my Christianly duty and I let her in. She really appreciates my hospitality and lets me know at various times throughout the day by hugging me. Long, melancholic embraces with tears telling me over and over again that I'm the only one she has. However, it seems she has a double life because she disappears every other day without a word and takes all her belongings, only to show up with baggage in hand a day or so later. I've learned to forgive her inconsistency and let her in, "Welcome".
Desperation introduced herself to me, "Don't worry, even though she's leaving you, I'll never leave you. I'll stick with you until the end."
I cried and begged for her not to leave. I'll change. We'll have the 2nd child you've always wanted. We'll take that vacation to Disney World you've always wanted. We'll have date nights 2 nights every week so you'll feel appreciated. Nothing worked.
A few more days of begging and I asked her the inevitable question, "Is there someone else?" Her reply did not surprise me, "Yes". She said that she had met him online in February and that they had met in person just once for a lunch date. At that point they were talking every night for 1 or 2 hours. I begged her to break it off. I asked her to give us a chance even though she would be moving out. She was clear with me, "I'm not going to stop seeing him." I asked her what was so special about him that she wouldn't give us another chance. She said, "I don't believe you. With him I have a fresh start, zero disrespect, zero fights, zero insults."
In the insuing days, I remember one night I interrupted her nightly phone call and she came over furious to me. "What do you want!!??" I begged her to reconsider for the child's sake. She said that I was trying to ruin her new relationship but that it wasn't going to work because he's a real man. Her exact words were, "Do you know what he said right now? He said, 'Take it easy. Don't get upset. Go talk to him and we'll talk later.' That's a real man!" I was humiliated as I cried like a child.
That first week I lost 18 pounds because I wasn't eating. Since then I've lost 39 pounds. At least one good thing came out of this mess. If I had gained weight instead I imagine the pain would be worse because I wouldn't have the self-confidence to go out and try to socialize as I now do in the church.
On April 2nd, just 15 days after she told me she was moving out, she found a place, and the moving began. On April 11th she officially walked out the door, but just before the door closed Lonely and Sad introduced themselves, "We're you're new renters. We'll be moving in to keep you company. We're in a symphony orchestra and tend to practice in the mornings and late at night. Maybe during those times it would be best if you stayed out of the house. Our practices can be overwhelming, especially our favorite piece called 'Silence'".
Already my apartment, which was huge when she lived here, was now crowded with Desperate, Lonely and Sad, when just a few weeks ago Depressed showed up at my door saying she knew that I was a Christian and if I could give her a hand because she was homeless. So I did my Christianly duty and I let her in. She really appreciates my hospitality and lets me know at various times throughout the day by hugging me. Long, melancholic embraces with tears telling me over and over again that I'm the only one she has. However, it seems she has a double life because she disappears every other day without a word and takes all her belongings, only to show up with baggage in hand a day or so later. I've learned to forgive her inconsistency and let her in, "Welcome".
Wednesday, June 22, 2011
Young and Beautiful
There is a young sister in my church that is absolutely beautiful. I saw her first at a Tuesday prayer meeting while she was on her knees with her hands raised, praying fervently to the Lord. There's nothing as lovely, pure, wholesome, unique and beautiful as a young woman who has shunned this sensual world in lieu of serving God in the church. This sister serves in the kitchen of the congregation on the days when we serve food.
I see a number of impediments to a possibility of being blissfully happy with this wonderful servant of God:
1. I am separated but not yet divorced. Of course there is the added stigma in the church that getting involved with divorced people is akin to the sin of adultery, which stems from confusion over the following passage:
Matthew 19:9 (in full context 3-9)
9 And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery; and whoever marries her who is divorced commits adultery.”
At the minimum this adds a great burden to meeting others. Sadly I will be shunned as a leper even though my soon-to-be-ex abandoned the home (see 1 Corinthians 7:15 below) and was, and is, currently involved in a sexual relationship (see Matthew 19:9 above).
1 Corinthians 7:15 (the full context is 1 Corinthians 7:1-16):
15 But if the unbeliever departs, let him depart; a brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases. But God has called us to peace.
2. The age gap. I am 35, however I've been told to look as young as 27. I don't know her age, but she has to be in the 23 to 26 age group. The first time I saw her in that Tuesday prayer meeting I waved to her and spoke with her. She asked me if she knew me from somewhere. Then asked this doozy, "What high school did I attend?" She obviously thought that where she knew me from was her old high school.
3. I have an 8-year old. What 23 to 26-year old would want to take on the responsibility of raising an 8-year old?
4. I am socially awkward.
The great hope that I have is in the Lord God Almighty who can do all things and does not repay us according to what we deserve, but according to His amazing grace and mercy. I have my sister in prayer almost everyday.
I want to glorify the Lord Jesus through a wonderful relationship with this sister, where I will love her as Christ loved the church and gave Himself for her (see Ephesians 5:25 below). I know I should have done this with my soon-to-be-ex.
Ephesians 5:25 (in context 24-26)
25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her,
I see a number of impediments to a possibility of being blissfully happy with this wonderful servant of God:
1. I am separated but not yet divorced. Of course there is the added stigma in the church that getting involved with divorced people is akin to the sin of adultery, which stems from confusion over the following passage:
Matthew 19:9 (in full context 3-9)
9 And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery; and whoever marries her who is divorced commits adultery.”
At the minimum this adds a great burden to meeting others. Sadly I will be shunned as a leper even though my soon-to-be-ex abandoned the home (see 1 Corinthians 7:15 below) and was, and is, currently involved in a sexual relationship (see Matthew 19:9 above).
1 Corinthians 7:15 (the full context is 1 Corinthians 7:1-16):
15 But if the unbeliever departs, let him depart; a brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases. But God has called us to peace.
2. The age gap. I am 35, however I've been told to look as young as 27. I don't know her age, but she has to be in the 23 to 26 age group. The first time I saw her in that Tuesday prayer meeting I waved to her and spoke with her. She asked me if she knew me from somewhere. Then asked this doozy, "What high school did I attend?" She obviously thought that where she knew me from was her old high school.
3. I have an 8-year old. What 23 to 26-year old would want to take on the responsibility of raising an 8-year old?
4. I am socially awkward.
The great hope that I have is in the Lord God Almighty who can do all things and does not repay us according to what we deserve, but according to His amazing grace and mercy. I have my sister in prayer almost everyday.
I want to glorify the Lord Jesus through a wonderful relationship with this sister, where I will love her as Christ loved the church and gave Himself for her (see Ephesians 5:25 below). I know I should have done this with my soon-to-be-ex.
Ephesians 5:25 (in context 24-26)
25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her,
Saturday, June 18, 2011
God Speaks Through Sermons!
Amazingly God also speaks through sermons! Two weeks ago I posted that God speaks through prayer as I received a confirmation in my cell group bible study of a teaching I had made just 2 hours earlier to my son. Well, same thing happened today. Again, it was a warning type of confirmation.
I am currently separated from my STBX (soon-to-be-ex). My son is devastated by this and he's asked me the question of whether a Christian can get remarried. I told him that I would get back to him on that question because it breaks my heart to give him a straight, but hard answer, that I will never again be with his mother.
As I pondered a response I thought to tell him the biblical response. The bible allows Christians to get remarried in certain circumstances. This satisfied him. I didn't go into any details as he is a child. As an innocent, not-so-corrupt child, he has an envious trust in the bible.
Well, in tonight's Friday service the message was regarding marriage and that Christians do not divorce under any circumstances. The preacher taught on THE SAME VERSES I DID (as I mentioned I spoke vaguely as my son is only 8). The preacher OMITTED the verses regarding the conditions that must be present if a divorce is to be considered. These omitted verses are as follows:
Matthew 19:9 (the full context is Matthew 19:3-9):
9 And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery; and whoever marries her who is divorced commits adultery.”
1 Corinthians 7:15 (the full context is 1 Corinthians 7:1-16):
15 But if the unbeliever departs, let him depart; a brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases. But God has called us to peace.
He basically preached that there are NO DIVORCES allowed for Christians.
He was 68 and it was certainly admirable that he's had a successful marriage full of children (6), but not every time does it work out this way for all people. It seems to me that divorce is allowed under abandonment or adultery. Through God's mercy, my soon to be divorce falls under this provision.
However, he was very convicting to me in the sense that he pounded the pulpit tonight regarding man's headship and prime responsibility before God in the success or destruction of a home. I accept my headship and that during the marriage I was a lousy priest of our marriage. Although she wasn't a Christian that still didn't abrogate my husbandly duties under the bible.
I am currently separated from my STBX (soon-to-be-ex). My son is devastated by this and he's asked me the question of whether a Christian can get remarried. I told him that I would get back to him on that question because it breaks my heart to give him a straight, but hard answer, that I will never again be with his mother.
As I pondered a response I thought to tell him the biblical response. The bible allows Christians to get remarried in certain circumstances. This satisfied him. I didn't go into any details as he is a child. As an innocent, not-so-corrupt child, he has an envious trust in the bible.
Well, in tonight's Friday service the message was regarding marriage and that Christians do not divorce under any circumstances. The preacher taught on THE SAME VERSES I DID (as I mentioned I spoke vaguely as my son is only 8). The preacher OMITTED the verses regarding the conditions that must be present if a divorce is to be considered. These omitted verses are as follows:
Matthew 19:9 (the full context is Matthew 19:3-9):
9 And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery; and whoever marries her who is divorced commits adultery.”
1 Corinthians 7:15 (the full context is 1 Corinthians 7:1-16):
15 But if the unbeliever departs, let him depart; a brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases. But God has called us to peace.
He basically preached that there are NO DIVORCES allowed for Christians.
He was 68 and it was certainly admirable that he's had a successful marriage full of children (6), but not every time does it work out this way for all people. It seems to me that divorce is allowed under abandonment or adultery. Through God's mercy, my soon to be divorce falls under this provision.
However, he was very convicting to me in the sense that he pounded the pulpit tonight regarding man's headship and prime responsibility before God in the success or destruction of a home. I accept my headship and that during the marriage I was a lousy priest of our marriage. Although she wasn't a Christian that still didn't abrogate my husbandly duties under the bible.
Friday, June 3, 2011
God Speaks Through Prayer!
Today during dinner I was doing my bible study with my 8-year old son, Arthur. We were reading Genesis 4, the story of Cain and Abel. I remember getting to verses 6 and 7, which states as follows:
Genesis 4:6-7:
6 So the LORD said to Cain, “Why are you angry? And why has your countenance fallen?
7 If you do well, will you not be accepted? And if you do not do well, sin lies at the door. And its desire is for you, but you should rule over it.”
In explaining the passage to my son, I told him how the Lord is comparing sin to a live creature such as a rat or a pouncing lion ready to come in the door, pounce on your soul and devastate it. I really focused on these verses and tried to expound them to him.
Well, 2 hours later at the church's cell group study while we prayed, brother Nicholas, in fervent prayer, said that he had a message from the Lord for me. He said, "Arthur, I will give this to you symbolically, 'You've let a rat, no 2 rats, or rats in through your door. Get rid of them.'"
I was very excited and emotional that the Lord would care to talk with me in such a fashion. As I pondered how wonderful is God's love for me is, in communicating with me, it struck me that this message is a warning to get rid of particular sins in my life. Therefore it may be that is was a warning. Of course it's still a blessing that the Lord would care enough to warn me.
I pray that I heed this warning so that it will be a blessing, rather than a curse if I continue in disobedience. If the latter, this communication from the Lord will actually be a condemnation of impending disaster for not heeding His voice.
Praise the Lord Jesus, God in flesh, for talking to us and warning us.
Genesis 4:6-7:
6 So the LORD said to Cain, “Why are you angry? And why has your countenance fallen?
7 If you do well, will you not be accepted? And if you do not do well, sin lies at the door. And its desire is for you, but you should rule over it.”
In explaining the passage to my son, I told him how the Lord is comparing sin to a live creature such as a rat or a pouncing lion ready to come in the door, pounce on your soul and devastate it. I really focused on these verses and tried to expound them to him.
Well, 2 hours later at the church's cell group study while we prayed, brother Nicholas, in fervent prayer, said that he had a message from the Lord for me. He said, "Arthur, I will give this to you symbolically, 'You've let a rat, no 2 rats, or rats in through your door. Get rid of them.'"
I was very excited and emotional that the Lord would care to talk with me in such a fashion. As I pondered how wonderful is God's love for me is, in communicating with me, it struck me that this message is a warning to get rid of particular sins in my life. Therefore it may be that is was a warning. Of course it's still a blessing that the Lord would care enough to warn me.
I pray that I heed this warning so that it will be a blessing, rather than a curse if I continue in disobedience. If the latter, this communication from the Lord will actually be a condemnation of impending disaster for not heeding His voice.
Praise the Lord Jesus, God in flesh, for talking to us and warning us.
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