The beautiful sister that I'm infatuated with was at tonight's Friday service. She was wearing a long Christian dress. I remember these dresses were in fashion a few years ago, but now young ladies of the church dress as the world dresses, with little modesty. This is one of the things I so like about her, that she is not worldly even in her manner of dress. She is also reserved in her choice of friendships, as I've only seen her with much older female friends with whom she always has a ready smile - so gracious. She does not have a select clic or group of young friends as other her age (estimated 23 to 26) usually have. This is so attractive to me. And of course the main reason is her sincerity in worshipping God. She is quiet yet fervent in prayer, focused in singing to God, goes to leadership classes, serves in the kitchen, perhaps will now serve in the children's ministry and apparently is a real Christian. What a blessing such a lovely woman would be for me. Certainly I have never had anyone that has been a first choice for me. In my short romantic history, it's always been a matter of settling for what's been available. This beautiful sister would be a first choice.
I am so socially awkward and afraid of rejection that I didn't even look at her during the service except to stare when she couldn't possibly see me. All the time negative thoughts were swirling all around me. "She's too young." "You're too old." "You've gained weight and it shows." I weigh 193 pounds and I could have easily been 183 pounds if I just continued with my diet. I got off track in the last few days. It would've made a difference in my confidence level and perhaps I would've approached her. Opportunity lost. Of course, with the Lord, all things are under His guardianship, and if my sister in Christ is reserved for me by God, then nothing will keep her from me.
I would like to have faith to continue praying for God to intervene and answer my prayers regarding this sister. To not give up but keep knocking at the Master's door. To persevere until He answers. I must have prayed over 5 weeks on a daily basis for her, for us, but over the last 3 weeks my prayers for her have been intermittent. There was one prayer I made to God, to remove her from my heart if His answer was no. However, as I felt tonight, I apparently still have her in my heart. She is quite a doll.
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