One Look From Josie

It took only one look from my sister in Christ, Josie, to disconcert me.  She was teaching the 5 and 6 year olds in the Sunday school, and very enthusiastically engaging one little child, when suddenly, as if in slow motion, she turned toward the window with a smile as I passed.  I was undone.  I lost my composure in the service for the next 10 minutes, thinking of how lovely, innocent, pure, joyful, peaceful, happy...oh yeah, and young, she looked.

I was lost in thoughts of how old I am, and how a young lady like Josie would ever become my girlfriend.  I looked over at her parents and wondered for the umpteenth time how old they were.  55?  That would put Josie at 25 to 30, but she looks much younger, more likely 23 to 25.  I still remember that first time we met, and how she asked whether she knew me from high school.  I am very young looking for my 35 years (I've been told as young as 25).

I know that the Lord can answer my prayers and give me this beatiful creature as my partner.  I have to persevere in prayer and hope.  I envision us being a Godly couple in all manner of church ministry, a Godly family of prayer, bible study, child bearing and rearing.  Praise be to God.

My Sister In Christ Is Merciful & Gorgeous & Young

Tuesday prayer meeting today.  My sister in Christ was in attendance today.  I'm head over heels about her.  Today I saw her sitting next to an older woman.  As I mentioned before, even though she's young, it seems to me that she exudes prudence and conservative values.  Such rarity nowadays!!  At the end of the prayer meeting, the pastor's wife made the unusual request that if anyone wanted to be prayed for, to come to the front.

At that very moment, my young sister in Christ went up with the older woman.  It turns out that the poor woman had a malignant brain tumor.  We all joined hands and prayed for her.

She is so unique.  A true gem of God's treasures.  Typically a Christian will come to church on Sundays.  Then there are some Christians that will come to a few mid-week services.  Then there are those who live out their faith in a hardcore fashion.  They go out to the hospitals, jails and homeless shelters to rescue the lost and needy.  I believe that's what my sister in Christ did today.  She met this poor woman in the battlefield, approached her with her winsome smile, and when the woman told her about her sickness, my sister in Christ pointed her to the Savior by inviting her to the prayer meeting.  She came as a conquering warrior.  She not only attends church to warm a chair, but she's working out her faith in a very practical fashion.

God Touched My 8-Year Old's Heart Yesterday

After I put my little boy to sleep last night he complained that he was having chest pains and pointed at his little heart.  I thought it was due to the heat and got a little worried.  Yesterday in New York it was close to 100 degrees and close to 90 degrees at bedtime.  We have no air conditioner.

I told him to get in the bathtub to cool off a bit, but after a while he complained that his chest felt hard.  I told him to stay in there a little while longer so he can stay cool.  He said, "Dad, I have a better idea.  Let's pray to God."  So I led us in prayer that the Lord would heal the pain in his chest.  In the middle of the prayer I hear that my son is whimpering.  I finish my prayer and notice that my little man is full out crying in prayer in the kneeling position.  I praised God Almighty for the marvelous work He was doing in my son at that moment.

I asked my boy what was the matter, and only heard the word, "repent", from his prayers.  I layed hands and prayed fervently over him, which brought more tears.  I left him alone and he prayed another 10 minutes or so.  After this, he was still shook up, so I pointed him to the Lord's medicine in times of deep distress...the psalms.  He has a bible app, which he recently downloaded, whereby he can listen to the bible.  He listened to the healing sounds of Psalm 23 and Psalm 51 read out loud (see below). 

He remained troubled like this for about 30 minutes after the prayer until he finally fell asleep next to me.  Once he was asleep, I went to my room.  Praise God for moments in life like this!!!  This beats watching a rented movie or any worldly activity.  By the way, he never did tell me what was troubling him.  This was private between his God and him, and as Forrest Gump said, "that's all I have to say about that".

Psalm 23
1 The LORD is my shepherd;

         I shall not want.

2 He makes me to lie down in green pastures;

         He leads me beside the still waters.

3 He restores my soul;

         He leads me in the paths of righteousness

         For His name’s sake.

4 Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,

         I will fear no evil;

         For You are with me;

         Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me.

5 You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies;

         You anoint my head with oil;

         My cup runs over.

6 Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me

         All the days of my life;

         And I will dwell[a] in the house of the LORD

         Forever.

Psalm 51

1 Have mercy upon me, O God,

         According to Your lovingkindness;

         According to the multitude of Your tender mercies,

         Blot out my transgressions.

2 Wash me thoroughly from my iniquity,

         And cleanse me from my sin.

3 For I acknowledge my transgressions,

         And my sin is always before me.

4 Against You, You only, have I sinned,

         And done this evil in Your sight—

         That You may be found just when You speak,[a]

         And blameless when You judge.

5 Behold, I was brought forth in iniquity,

         And in sin my mother conceived me.

6 Behold, You desire truth in the inward parts,

         And in the hidden part You will make me to know wisdom.

7 Purge me with hyssop, and I shall be clean;

         Wash me, and I shall be whiter than snow.

8 Make me hear joy and gladness,

         That the bones You have broken may rejoice.

9 Hide Your face from my sins,

         And blot out all my iniquities.

10 Create in me a clean heart, O God,

         And renew a steadfast spirit within me.

11 Do not cast me away from Your presence,

         And do not take Your Holy Spirit from me.

12 Restore to me the joy of Your salvation,

         And uphold me by Your generous Spirit.

13 Then I will teach transgressors Your ways,

         And sinners shall be converted to You.

14 Deliver me from the guilt of bloodshed, O God,

         The God of my salvation,

         And my tongue shall sing aloud of Your righteousness.

15 O Lord, open my lips,

         And my mouth shall show forth Your praise.

16 For You do not desire sacrifice, or else I would give it;

         You do not delight in burnt offering.

17 The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit,

         A broken and a contrite heart—

         These, O God, You will not despise.

18 Do good in Your good pleasure to Zion;

         Build the walls of Jerusalem.

19 Then You shall be pleased with the sacrifices of righteousness,

         With burnt offering and whole burnt offering;

         Then they shall offer bulls on Your altar.

God's Mercy Through The Provision Of Divorce

I am ecstatic to report that my STBX (soon-to-be-ex) has initially agreed to a no-contest divorce.  Praise the Lord God Almighty!

Today was an emotional roller coaster.  In desperation of her currently living in a rented room and seeing that I live in a regular apartment, she started in with her repertoire of heavy duty threats.  "I'm moving out of state", "I'm going to take our son",  "He's going to go to school out of state where I live", "This is going to be very expensive for you when I take you to court", "You better agree to give me money amicably", etc...

This seriously vexed me and put me in a woeful, emotional state.  I started crying and sobbing uncontrollably.  Just to think of losing my child to mother kidnapping (a.k.a. child physical custody residing with mother) was enough to send me over the edge of desperation.

She relented about 3 hours after we started arguing (the crying started during the last 30 minutes).  She called me on the phone, asked me to forgive her, and explained that she would never take our son away from me and that it's just her dreadful living situation that made her react that way.  I told her that her threats against me made me feel like I'm walking on eggshells, and this is when she brought up the issue of divorce, which I had initially brought up a few months earlier.  Basically she said that if we divorce, there should be no further issues regarding threats, but rather a finalization of matters, be it child physical custody, child support or alimony.

I understand that the Lord hates divorce, but somehow He has made the provision for it in the case of:

1)  Abandonment of the non-believer, and;
2)  Adultery.

Through His great mercy, I meet both those conditions.  I am free of this marriage, which was bondage to both of us, due to our evil ways in not following God's instructions for marriage.  However, I rejoice in God allowing us to go our separate ways and remake our lives.  God is exceedingly merciful!  We deserve His wrath, but instead He pours out His goodness abundantly on us!  Praise His everlasting Name.

Beautiful Sister In Attendance! Woohoo!!

The beautiful sister that I'm infatuated with was at tonight's Friday service.  She was wearing a long Christian dress.  I remember these dresses were in fashion a few years ago, but now young ladies of the church dress as the world dresses, with little modesty.  This is one of the things I so like about her, that she is not worldly even in her manner of dress.  She is also reserved in her choice of friendships, as I've only seen her with much older female friends with whom she always has a ready smile - so gracious.  She does not have a select clic or group of young friends as other her age (estimated 23 to 26) usually have.  This is so attractive to me.  And of course the main reason is her sincerity in worshipping God.  She is quiet yet fervent in prayer, focused in singing to God, goes to leadership classes, serves in the kitchen, perhaps will now serve in the children's ministry and apparently is a real Christian.  What a blessing such a lovely woman would be for me.  Certainly I have never had anyone that has been a first choice for me.  In my short romantic history, it's always been a matter of settling for what's been available.  This beautiful sister would be a first choice.

I am so socially awkward and afraid of rejection that I didn't even look at her during the service except to stare when she couldn't possibly see me.  All the time negative thoughts were swirling all around me.  "She's too young."  "You're too old."  "You've gained weight and it shows."  I weigh 193 pounds and I could have easily been 183 pounds if I just continued with my diet.  I got off track in the last few days.  It would've made a difference in my confidence level and perhaps I would've approached her.  Opportunity lost.  Of course, with the Lord, all things are under His guardianship, and if my sister in Christ is reserved for me by God, then nothing will keep her from me.

I would like to have faith to continue praying for God to intervene and answer my prayers regarding this sister.  To not give up but keep knocking at the Master's door.  To persevere until He answers.  I must have prayed over 5 weeks on a daily basis for her, for us, but over the last 3 weeks my prayers for her have been intermittent.  There was one prayer I made to God, to remove her from my heart if His answer was no.  However, as I felt tonight, I apparently still have her in my heart.  She is quite a doll.